I was at a low point today…the “Ethics Committee” meeting yesterday
was EXTREMELY antagonistic against me, my wife, my son, his wife, and our friend.
It was clear what the hospital intended to do…it was clear that perhaps in a few days, they would pull all the tubes out, my Mother would gasp for air, and I would have to stand there and watch a woman who has been my best friend my whole life….die.
The horror of that impending scenario had bored into my heart….bored like a drill bit
wrapped in barbwire. I went to Mom’s place, began taking down her clothes. My mom was a petite lady with an immaculate, classic sense of dressing and she had some beautiful clothes…some she had not worn even.
To say I broke down is an understatement. I might be a big guy, a rough looking guy, but I was reduced to my lowest point….I kept playing “Wrong side of heaven” on my iPhone over and over…crying and yes, talking to G-d…or whomever or whatever there may be
“up there”. I’ve never claimed to be an angel….I’m actually an asshole except when it comes to animals and children….but I was reduced to a child, crying and asking G0d WHY things were happening as they were. If I were the one in the hospital dying, it would be fine…I’ve never cared about my life…but my Mother’s whole life was devoted to helping people…not just talking about Christian values, but putting them in action. She taught me that we are all the same, regardless of race, age, sex, amount of money or education…in short, she was to me, a saint. I kept cleaning off the racks, taking some trash outside, crying, talking to myself or G0d or whomever might be listening.
I had been told that every long term care facility had declined to take Mom, and that that was final. Now, you have to understand that we had her case manager calling, looking, pleading for SOME place to take her…there was none.
I had fought the fight as far as I could, and now, it seemed I had nowhere to go, no fight left….those I talked privately with today know I am speaking the truth. Then, I was talking to one of my best friends via DM, and heard my wife talking to the case manager in the other room, but I couldn’t hear what was going on. I was drained from not eating, not sleeping much, and I got up to find out what was going on. My wife said she just talked to the case manager and a woman from a hospital was there, and they were willing to take Mom….I have been so tired, so confused lately, I wasn’t sure I heard her right so I said “Honey, could you say it simply….what are you saying?”. She said “They aren’t going to be able to kill you Mom….we found a place that will take her.”
I broke down in tears….I almost couldn’t believe what I heard…it was like the theatrical thing where they have a convicted strapped to the electric chair and the governor calls at one minute to midnight to put stay on the execution”.
For many people, they will think “Oh, that’s just something that happened…no laws of physics broken there.” For me, it’s a Miracle…literally, days before they planned to kill my Mom, someone appears ready to take her.
I dressed quickly, we drove to talk to the lady from the hospital. She was very nice, very professional…and I cannot reveal her first name, but if I did, you would agree with me, there was SOME kind of cosmic intervention, such that even her first name was a sign that other forces had intervened.
So, Mom will be moved tomorrow…and we will have a lot to do.
To my atheist friends, I love you, and to be honest, I was almost ready to join your ranks….and you all have my utmost respect.
But, for this poor old sandy haired Viking Pyrate Country Boy, if this ain’t a miracle,
it’ll do til one gets here.
Thank you ALL for your love, your caring, prayers, energy, everything.
My world got much brighter.