The Pain of Losing a Friend

We meet a lot of people in life. Most are acquaintances, some become enemies, but a small few become friends,meaning in my language,they would give their life for you if it came to it…they would stand by your side if the crowd came against you.

True friendship, like a mighty oak, takes time to grow….you may like someone right off the bat, but only time and trials can tell if they are a true friend. I had a true friend. When his Dad died, he called me first thing, and when his Mother died, he called me first thing, and when my step dad died, I called him. He was an entertainer, a musician, and believe it or not, through the tears, he was able to get me to laugh.

I lost my friend to Death in 2015, the same year I lost my Mom, and lost my cousin to murder. Those are people who are your friends until death takes them.

And then, there are the other friends…folks you thought you could always count on to have your back, to be there for you, to call you if the needed a sympathetic ear, and that you could call if you needed a sympathetic ear.

Then, one day, for no apparent reason, with no explanation, they quit talking to you, cut off all contact. It doesn’t matter that you were there for them when their family was not.
You are just unceremoniously blocked out of their life.

At first, you are puzzled, then angry, then confused, and back to anger…but deep inside, you find yourself asking, what is wrong that I mistook them for a real friend.

It happens every day. People are married for years, think they are each others best friends, and then one day, they are gone…and from being best friends, they are now enemies.

Such experiences make you “gun shy”…you become afraid to trust fully, afraid you will again be betrayed. The problem is not with someone  who trusts, it is with the person who deceived you into thinking they were your friend,and then suddenly,revealed their side as your enemy.

It is in the nature of humans to be social animals, to seek out friends…dare we say it is in our genes to seek companionship. But, in doing so, we must have some level of trust and respect. Even nowadays, we extend the handshake to show we carry no weapons or wave at someone for the same purpose….it is a display of friendship.

We cannot let the scars to the heart from friendships that went wrong, hamper us from making new friends, because, there are decent people out there.

I am reminded of the friendship of Doc Holliday and Wyatt Earp…it was a friendship
that lasted til one of them died. Doc was truly ready to take a bullet for Wyatt.

But, to have a friend, you must be a friend. There is real gold (real friends) and iron pyrite (fool’s gold), fake friends. But, unlike the quick assay that differentiates real gold from fools gold, some times it takes time, and hard times to sort them out.

Let your heart be open, but trust slowly…a real friendship, like the mighty oak,
takes years to mature and be strong enough to resist the winds and rain.

Thanks for reading this.


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