I have been trying to accept Mom’s death and move on, and sometimes, I feel I am making progress. This morning, I had to throw some of her clothes away. Mom took very good care of her clothes during life, was very petite, but never wanted me to give away or sell her clothes after she died. Since this was her wish, I did as I have done ever since Mom became a victim of Alzheimer’s until she died, and now past she died.
When I was collecting her clothes, I came upon a sweater that I used to dress her with on cold days. It had a hood, and on colder, windy days, I would dress her in this if we had to go out. As I was picking up the sweater, for a second, a part of my ADD addled brain said “What the hell am I doing…Mom might need this..”, and then, the weight of the fact that she would never wear that sweater again. As I picked up her other clothes to put into bags, I would pick up each shirt of skirt, and part of me, hated to throw it away, because it was, all the tangible things I had left of her, but I finally put the last item in the bag….though there are many more to come.
Sometimes, it’s the little things that get you. That sweater was not just a product of some clothes maker, it represented the times I would wrap her up against the cold, much as she did for me when I was a child…so it was like throwing away a piece of my memories of her away.
Sometimes, it’s the little things that get you.
Thanks for reading this.